No.77 : The Darkness of My Mind [personal]

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A darkness so thick it consumes all it touches, 
growing stronger, filling every crease and corner of me.
It feeds on the love and passion;
devouring every ounce of care, drive and desire,
gobbling the last bits of hope and light.
Leaving nothing.
Nothing but the shell of me, and the darkness.

Hello lovelies, so terribly sorry it's been so very long since I've shared some pretties with you, do hope you've missed me just a little bit though, I've sure as hell missed sharing with you. Unfortunately a personal issue I've dealt with most of my life has grown into a bit of a struggle over the past year that has peeked within the last couple of months into a bit much too deal with. You see, what most don't know is that I'm one of many people around the world who deals with depression and anxiety.
Although it is something I've dealt with most of my life and thus have learned to cope and deal with, a medication I was on for a completely unrelated internal problem has had some of the harsher side effects on me, one of which has been sending my depression and anxiety spiraling. For a good while I've simply lost all drive and motivation and have felt completely empty. Some days have been harder than others, some better, but I'm working to get back to my happy fun self because this shell of a version of me isn't good for anyone.

Of course as my luck would have it, a job search I have been on for months finally got a nibble and I've been freelancing as a transcriber - it has taken all I've had to do my best at my job, leaving me utterly drained after. So for some weeks now it's felt like I've done nothing more than work and sleep, but that really has been it, I simply haven't had the energy for much else.

I am so very thankful for my rl support system though, my amazing boyfriend and also my sl friends who have been there for me through this nonsense. And I have to thank, from the bottom of my heart, you and most especially my sponsors for your patience and understanding. I just can't thank all of you enough. Please just know that as I struggle and pull myself through this, I am thinking of you and I am trying my best to get back to my full self and back to all of the things I love - like my photography and blog; things just may be a bit slow as I work through this, but I will get through it.

Depression can be a scary and lonely thing, but please, if you or someone you know is experiencing a strong bout of depression or suicidal thoughts for any reason, know that you are not alone and there is never any shame in reaching out for a helping hand. There are many helpful guides that offer information and helpful links. And if you need, suicide help is a phone call away at 1-800-273-TALK in the U.S, or visit IASP or to find a helpline in your country. 

Hair: Soonsiki [NOW Besom] - Day Dream, Reds
Lashes: Mon Chéri - "Falsies" Mesh Alpha Lashes with Hud [mp]
Body: Wowmeh - Mesh Body, Silhouette v1, InSize
Hands: Slink - AvEnhance Female [mp]
Skin: (Red)Mint - Skin No.14, Ivy, Freckles [+ appliers][in shop]
Tattoo:  Inhale - Dead on Arrival/Faded [in shop/mp]
Makeup: Face: Izzie Button - I'm Not Feeling Very Well/Tears + Redness* [mp]

Outfit: 1 Hundred - Everyday Undies, Black [in shop]

Nails: Ama. - Slink Polish: Black Chipped [in shop/mp]

Also Pictured: 
Cheeky Pea - Teacup Bird Feeder - Dew [in shop]
Grizzly Creek - Free Songbird Eurasian TreeSparrow -Rez or Wear- [Free mp]
Carlo's Creations - Summer/Autumn Tall Grass Field Meadow 15 Grass Shades [mp]
inVerse - MultiSeason Woods Patch [in shop/mp]
by Chiana Oh - 'it's a new dawn, it's a new day' Canvas w/ resizer [in shop]
[ free bird ] - Air Plant - Stone Planter [in shop]
Tres Blah - Hodgepodge - Catch All [3.15 Arcade/in shop]
Pixel Mode - Writer's Room - Book Stack [12.14 Arcade]
Fashionably Dead - Posed Cats - 07 Sitting Down, 12 Curious [9.14 Arcade/in shop]
[Fetch] - Rachel Sofa [in shop/mp]
Half-Deer - Cat Clutter, Natural/Toys Toys Toys [11.14 Ch.4/in shop]

Llorisen - Alms Cottage - Green [3.15 Arcade/in shop]

 *Item has been modified either inworld or in photoshop and will not appear exactly as seen in my image(s). 
All names, sales, links and information are correct as of the date of posting.


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